It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
