There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I touched a dick in church today
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
