i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
