whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
