I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
