so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Someone shattered a urinal.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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