remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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