he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
