I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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