actually, I'm a sock model
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
