# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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