your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
