Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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