I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize