I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize