So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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