he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
