I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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