she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
well most of my day revolves around power hour
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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