"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
