Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
