Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize