a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
