Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
