Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
