Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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