The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
