I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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