I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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