who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
