I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
