What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
