WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
