piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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