You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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