i dont even know how to be here
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
