After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
