I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
