i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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