Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
