he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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