I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
