Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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