3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
