Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
