what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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