I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
