I should be sponsored by Trojan
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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