the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
