So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
