Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
