I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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