I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
