I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
