I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
