Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
