Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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