I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
