im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
