This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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