you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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