Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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