WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
